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<title>I'm drowning in the flowers of my soul by DalekLetoEndeavour</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22465789">I'm drowning in the flowers of my soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalekLetoEndeavour/pseuds/DalekLetoEndeavour'>DalekLetoEndeavour</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A toast to Keats! to Byron! and the Lewis fandom [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Endeavour (TV), Inspector Morse (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Awareness Week, Asexual Relationship, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, One-Sided Relationship, POV Second Person, Temporarily Unrequited Love, but has lowkey an happy ending, i have no idea how to tag this, its a pure ace story lol, more like, very sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:42:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22465789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalekLetoEndeavour/pseuds/DalekLetoEndeavour</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>so this story happend last night a 5 am due to me being hyped and unable to sleep after watching the trailer for Season 7 of Endeavour</p><p>Basically  the reader experiance of the Hanahaki Disease<br/>Just that the reader is on the aro/ace spectrum and the flower petals are book pages.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Endeavour Morse/Reader, background mentioned Lewis/Hathaway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A toast to Keats! to Byron! and the Lewis fandom [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1350097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm drowning in the flowers of my soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First of all</p><p>Thank you for considering to read this work<br/>I have never ever written anything x Reader before and do not plan to do it in the future unless requested<br/>So it might be a bit wobbely uff</p><p>Also first time I felt comfortable enough to share another Endeavour related story<br/>I am wayyyyyy to shy to share the other stuff IDK why</p><p>also an entirerly new perspective to the Hanahaki Disease ace power uwu<br/>Comments are welcome uwu</p><p> </p><p>The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient’s throat will fill up with flower, they will then proceed to throw, and cough up the petals, (sometimes even the flowers). One of the only ways for the disease to ‘disappear’ is if, the said person returns the feeling The infection can also be removed through surgery, though the feelings disappear along with the petals. If they choose nether options, or the feeling is not returned in time, then the patient’s lungs will fill up with flowers, and will eventually suffocate.<br/>There is no specific flower for the disease, but it’ll either be the crushes favourite type of flower, or their favourite colour. We can only hope for the patients, and pray that the crushes favourite flower isn’t a type of rose.</p><p>(The length of the disease varies with each person. But on an average, it will last up to 2 or 3 mouths, but sometime it’ll only last, a couple weeks).<br/>In this story it is actually 5 years from symptoms to outbreak</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They say it's hereditary<br/>They say there's only one cure<br/>They say your end will be swift you won't even realize it's over<br/><br/>You didn't expect it to break out at all<br/>There was never a soul in the known universe you would have wanted to be yours<br/>You were able to feel but couldn't get behind the concept of love<br/>The fear of loss perhaps which kept you<br/>So it caughed you by surprise when you first visited Oxford.<br/>When you first coughed up the first indicator of your murderer.<br/>A flower petal made out of a book page with smeared ink had been it.  One word <em>Woodstock</em> had been printed on it.<br/>The city had left you breathless.<br/>The architecture<br/>The people<br/>The fascination with crime<br/>There in Blackwaters just on the same side as the white horse it had been where you first laid hands on a book with golden letters and golden spine.<br/>Ran your fingers playfully across the cover of last bus to Woodstock without knowing.<br/>Without knowing who waited behind those lines.<br/><br/>You left Oxford a bit heartbroken without ever to having experienced what that word even meant<br/>There was no explanation for it<br/>But it felt like you've left something important behind.<br/>Days become weeks<br/>Weeks become months<br/>The illness doesn't flare up until 2 years after your first trip to Oxford<br/>You had just began your night shift when the advertisement for the newest season of Endeavour had swept you off your feet.<br/>A show you had never heard of before.<br/>Suddenly become very aware of your own heart beat you clutch your chest before coughing up yet another paper flower petal. It read Thank Lewis<br/>You curl up in your blanket shivering<br/>You won't tell your mother or your friends<br/>What would they know anyways?<br/><br/>You dry the paper flower petal carefully and place it to the other one hidden in an note book full of ideas.<br/>You write down  <em>Endeavour</em>  next to it.<br/><br/>Another year passes quickly<br/>When autumn comes<br/>Spooky season arises<br/>You finally crack the code<br/>It creeps upon you slowly<br/>How slowly<br/>That the reason why you pass away is all but smoke and mirrors<br/><br/>You can't narrow down the exact Sunday in October anymore when you had your first actual encounter with the detective auburn haired and blue<br/>The only thing for certain was that it had been the first episode of the 4th season<br/>But ever since then the petals increased.<br/>More words<br/><em>Remorseful</em>….<em>Oxford</em> ….<em>drink up Lewis</em><br/>Your mother finally notices<br/>She's displeased.<br/>Almost angry like she had known for a long time who your killer would be<br/>You ask her about Morse and she shakes her head.<br/>You ask her about Lewis and she sends you without supper to bed</p><p><br/>It's starting to get cold when you and your best friend begin to watch it together<br/>When everyone is celebrating you lose your voice to a larger piece of petal<br/><em>people just call me Morse</em></p><p><br/>And this is when you plan to revisit Oxford in June<br/>You do it together with your best friend who in the end lets you down<br/>To scared to lose you to the flowers she adds<br/>You weep and weep and your tears have turned into ink.<br/>The only thing giving you strength are Lewis and Hathaway whom you have accepted as your Oxford dad's<br/>And AO3 is your safe space when the world is unkind</p><p><br/>Time flies</p><p><br/>How soon it was June<br/>You step out of the train and are able to breathe again.<br/>You know where to go<br/>Of course you do<br/>Morse’s Oxford is a part of you<br/>You go to Blackwells and grab that very book you have touched all those years ago<br/>before running across the street<br/>to the Bodleian<br/>Breathless you clutch your throat when you noticed you ran into an set.<br/>Heavy coughing you collapse bringing up one perfect paper flower.<br/><em>Endeavour</em> was written all over on the petals<br/>Blood runs from the corner of your mouth as you smile when you noticed who came to your aid.</p><p>"Oh no I'm so sorry I can't save you my dear."</p><p> You wanted to ad that it's alright</p><p><br/>But the world suddenly feels so light<br/>And there's a bright light greeting you with the flower duet from Lakmé.<br/> Then there are those sad baby blues greeting you again<br/>But they aren't  exactly the same this time they are  not sad</p><p> </p>
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